>In the city of Canterlot there is an urban legend that is being told in hushed voices, be it in the castle or in the slums.
>They say that there is a being, tall and gangly, yet sneakier than shadow and faster than lightning.
>It sneaks on lone unsuspecting mares when they least expect it and drags them off in the shadows.
>Caught mares are later found sleeping, their coats cleaned, their manes brushed, with only vague memories of being pet, snuggled and fed their favorite candy.
>That is the legend of the...
>The Serial Snuggler.

>Be Anon.
>Be ninja.
>Be trained in guerrilla petting warfare.
>Graduated at top of your class, have over three hundred satisfied mares.
>You're Equestria's top snuggler.
>And the only one.
>Bullshit portal-based attacks are bullshit.
>Despite all that you hit the ground running and soon enough you started improving your skills even further.
>You displayed your power by having both princesses helpless and completely at your mercy for six straight hours.
>Six hours of long, heartfelt bellyrubs, ear scritchies and mane brushing.
>After that you were a wanted man. Well, wanted apelien.
>Always on the run, chased to the end of Equus.
>Ah, who are you kidding, you were parading under their literal noses for hours without them noticing anything.
>Sometimes having ninja powers constantly on is super boring.
>Your ninja powers don't work on magic, though. Entire castle was sure that magic alarm system was on the fritz.
>So you covered your sneak suit in variety of anti-magic stones you attained from Queen of Pleasure in exchange for holding her hooves and giving them a little massage.
>Never has once she mentioned kitchen, so you threw completely free ear-rub in to sweeten the deal.

>Your trained ear catches a very quiet sigh.
>In an instant you cross several city blocks and hang down the ledge to peek in the window the sigh came from.
>Aha! Sad, lonely mare, hunched over some paperwork!
>Perfect target!
>You swing inside, and very soon she quietly purrs as palm of your hand traces concentric patterns on her belly, while you feed her her favorite chocolates.
>Took you entire 0.014 seconds to find that out and 'buy' some from a shop! Getting sloppy!
>And by the way, it's not a theft, you left the money on the counter!
>Now that the mare finally succumbed to sweet grasp of sleep, you decide to finish off whatever pesky paperwork problem that made her frown.
>You literally have seven thousand IQ.
>At least, you think so.
>Wouldn't be able to process your surroundings at superspeed otherwise!
>You put your MIGHTY INTELLECT to find and fix whatever mistake was making the mare sad.
>...hold on, it might take a while...
>There it is, she forgot to carry two. The rest comes easy.
>Now that the paper is done, time to turn your attention back to completely helpless mare!
>Do you snuggle her or do you wiggle in her grasp?
>Mares feel uncomfortable being little spoon for some unfathomable reason, so some concessions have to be made...
>You tap your chin in thought.

>Meanwhile, several rooftops over, a hanging bat mare unfurls her wings and starts whispering into dimly-pulsing crystal.
>"Serial Snuggler took the bait, I repeat, Serial Snuggler took the bait!"
>From her position she observes several shadows move in the dark. And then all Tartarus breaks loose!

>Be Close Quarters, elite royal guard mare.
>One second you were rappelling down to window, upset at lieutenant whisper-yelling at you to remember that you're dealing with a stallion.
>And the next second you find yourself being tightly held as the little spoon of More Paperwork, your unwitting plant mare!
"N-Nani?!"
>You have no idea what you just said but it seems oddly fitting.
>You also can't help it but feel incredibly relaxed, as if you spent entire day getting pampered.
>But then the gravity of your situation hits you.
>Oh no, you're going to be the laughing stock of entire platoon for this dyke shit. Damn you, Serial Snuggler, DAMN YOU!

>Be Wearing Bars, the lieutenant mare, large and in charge.
>Though you don't feel like it now...
>In but a second, you lost visual with your entire squad!
>You call out for Radio Contact to request reinforcements but she doesn't respond.
>You whip your head to her last known position and see her splayed on the roof, grinning madly with partially eaten mango in her weak grasp.
"Darn it!"
>You catch movement in the corner of your eye and jump back instinctively.
>By Celestia, you've got your eyes on the sneaky Serial Snuggler! A feat that very few mares can boast about!
"Halt, apelien! Surrender and you won't be hurt!"

>Be Anon, approaching the lieutenant mare purposefully slow.
>You raise your pointer finger and with unyielding slowness aim for her snoot.
>Her eyes cross as she struggles to keep them on your approaching finger. But it is too late.
"You are already pet."
>*boop*
>The sensation of two hundred lightning-fast pets catches up to her!
>And pomf=3 she goes on menagerie of pillows you snuck in during previous moments.
>Giving her withers a few scritchies, you leave the scene.

>Somewhere high above two pair of eyes armed with only one pair of binoculars fight to watch the whole scene unfold below.
>There is a sigh.
>"Perhaps We called dibs on him being our royal consort too early."
>"I'm afraid we'll never have another petting session like that, sister..."